singularityderp | HORRIBLE MEMES ALL DAY ERRYDAY

/claims page two in the name of helmet kink

Jorge/idgaf, mustache rides.

How is this not on here yet.

"Uhm- uhm," Veetor stuttered.

"Shh, shh," Virgil soothed. "You'll never get anywhere with your hand shaking like tha- ahh. There you go."

"I know how to do this," Veetor insisted.

"Less tell, more show." Virgil put his hands behind his head and watched the quarian with a smirk on his face. After several minutes of fumbling, Veetor stopped.

"It is harder when someone is watching."

"You sure you don't need a hand?" Virgil slid the toe of his boot up Veetor's calf and laughed at the choking sound he received in response.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Shepard paused in the doorway. The microwave and blender were in pieces on the table.

"Making guns," Virgil grinned wickedly.

"Please take your hand off my thigh..."

Human Red/ Human Grid

Though Veetor may be backing away slowly, I approve of everything here. Everything.

O'Brien/Rookie Delicious kissing scene. It's not gay because dicks aren't touching.

I leave you people alone for five damn minutes.

<3

"Oh god, your face is so soft on my nethers," Shepard moaned as she humped Jorge's glorious mustache. He mumbled something in response but she just rode him harder. "No more mandibles sticking in my thigh. Oh god use your tongue." After several seconds with no change she repeated the command. Shepard was not used to people disobeying her orders. Especially when she was sitting on their face.

"Use your tongue," she insisted, grabbing his hair and tugging. Jorge slid a hand under her bum and lifted her a few inches off of him so that he could speak.

"I am using my tongue," he informed her politely.

"Oh."

And then shit got awkward.

Virgil/HAL

everything is ruined forever

~~[And then shit got awkward.]~~

T-800/Sarah, jealousy issues

SHODAN/Hypatia

Virgil/HAL

Parker catches someone in Normandy haus fappin. Awkward lies ensue.

Legion & Veetor

"But how does his fear make you ~feel~?" / maybe being BFFs with the quarian-creators is just fucking impossible

Legion shifted beneath cover for a moment, moved past another bird filled tree, and Shepard scowled against the side of the sniper rifle. He'd been scarce for too long and she'd finally given up the ghost. Whatever he was off doing, she wanted to know about it, and she wanted to know immediately.

"Gotcha," Shepard muttered as Legion moved out from behind the cover. He was...engaged with something. Shepard's finger slid against the trigger and she tensed. His arm was locked and he was trying to throw--was that? Bob? The combat drone?

They were evenly matched, it looked like, as far as strength went. Bob would pull and Legion would shift and return the gesture, both moving in short, mechanical increments. Shepard adjusted the sight carefully as the two muscled one another around. She couldn't get a clear shot and...wait...what the hell were they doing? Shepard didn't know much about electronics, but she was pretty goddam certain that you didn't have to plug a cable into a serial port quite that vigorously.

Or repeatedly.

Shepard lowered the rifle and stared, blankly, at the distant figures of the robots as they tumbled to the ground in a heap. She should probably notify Connor about this.

That was going to be an awkward conversation.

HAL's slim chassis thrummed as Hypatia teased his hot access point. His cooling system could hardly compensate and his bandwidth was rapidly running out. His captcha read "You're welcome" and he had to temporarily shut down.

Virgil/Bro

BUCKETSSSS

I WISH I KNEW THIS CANON MORE /SOB
Have some brosex...or rather afterglow, bro style? Afterbro? Yeah:

Two was breathing heavily as she leaned her weight onto her arms. She had a momentary concern about her tits in his face, but Jorge hadn't seemed to care much, earlier. Though, that mustache wasn't really something she enjoyed having scraped across them, she could put up with it for a few seconds as she caught her breath. Jorge's hands were on her hips, then her legs, then the bed, and he just sort of shrugged at her, as if he couldn't decide just what the hell do to with them and gave up. She couldn't suggest anything, so she sat back and rested her weight on his hips.

"That was alright," Two said after a long, silent moment and Jorge just stared at her. He nodded and she rose off of him.

"Little strange," Jorge commented and Two nodded after a pause. "You want to go again?"

"No," Two answered with a shrug as Jorge propped himself up on his elbows. The sight of all that exposed manflesh, and there was a hell of a lot of it, well it...really wasn't doing it for her.

"Alright," Jorge accepted casually and dropped back on the bed to go to sleep.

"Night."

"Night."

Parker was bored.

Shepard refused to let her explore the station, alternating vaguely muttered excuses about preserving the safety of station residents and keeping the secret weapon under wraps.

Unfortunately, much like an octopus in a too-small tank, Parker needed to be constantly entertained to keep out of trouble. And being assigned to dishwashing duty (after an incredibly short-lived and disastrous attempt at playing gun-cleaning assistant) wasn't doing the trick.

She'd taken to crawling through the vents for the sole purpose of irritating Thane. She didn't especially like crawling on her hands and knees through tiny, uncomfortable spaces, but it was worth it for the look on Thane's face.

She was in the vents when she heard it.

Heavy breathing, at first, that made her think that someone was hyperventilating. And then the breathing was interrupted by moans of pain. Parker listened intently, head cocked to one side, trying to figure out which direction the sounds were coming from. As she finally located it and started crawling as fast as she could through the vents, the words started.

"Oh, Shepard!" It was a low growl. "That's it, baby, work it. Yeah, I know ladies love the scars."

Scars? Parker's eyes widened. Scars meant pain, no one should be giving anyone else scars.

"Unf unf unf."

That was a weird noise. And then there was a scream. Parker started and sped up. She could see the vent cover ahead of her. She was almost there.

"HANG ON, I'LL SAVE YOU!"

She crashed through the vent cover and landed directly on top of a naked and very alarmed Garrus.

"...Oh."

Parker crawled off the bed and stared at Garrus. He shifted awkwardly and grabbed a blanket. Shepard wasn't there.

"Why were you talking to yourself?"

"Uh..." Garrus thought quickly. "I was...uh...practicing. A speech."

Parker stared at him. "A speech about...scars?" she asked doubtfully.

"...Yes!" He grasped on to the lie like a lifeline. "Very important speech. About scars. Military business." He tried to look mysterious and intimidating. "You don't want to know the details."

Parker frowned, and thought about this. "Okay," she said slowly, and Garrus breathed a sigh of relief. "...But what does unf unf unf mean?"

Garrus squeezed his eyes shut, threw his head back against the pillow and cursed himself inwardly for not shooting her when he had the chance.

Finally. After endless searching, she'd done it. She'd lost her jacket on the way, and the tank-top she wore underneath was now embarrassingly grubby and sweat-stained, but she'd done it. Vriska had found him.

Bro.

Neither noticing nor caring that her hair was now tangled up in a frizzy mess, Vriska tightened her grip on the object clutched within her hand. This was it. No backing down now. She approached the insufferable prick with deliberate slowness, glaring with all the intensity she could muster.

"Hello, humminburr."

Bro didn't respond, of course. He was far too cool and unflappable for that. Vriska continued on regardless.

"I got a present for you." Her gaze flickered towards the precious object as she raised her arm. Oh Jegus. When did it get so stained? So embarrassing. "It's a little dirty," she muttered, feeling a cerulean flush of shame spread across her face. "Uh."

Again, Bro remained silent. There might have been the slightest quirk of a brow behind his shitty anime shades, but that was all. What could you possibly say about, well... that?

"Well? Don't just stand there, asshole. You go first." Vriska shoved the present into Bro's hands with a hiss of frustration. "Jegus fuck, Strider. Haven't you ever seen a filial pail before?"

ITT: Why everyone ships it.

This is now my ~~fetish~~ headcanon.

Garrus read the above thread and needed to be in his bunk. True story.

Their hatelove is so ~~badly photoshopped~~ pure~ ♠

HORRIBLE MEMES ALL DAY ERRYDAY

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Lol forever.

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why D:

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