/BRB KILLING MY INBOX

[twotailmechanic.livejournal.com]

The These are my Confessions Meme

1. Post with your characters confessing their darkest secrets and/or things they have been hiding from others.
2. Nobody will be able to lie in this meme or hide the truth. Not even the characters that reply to yours.
3. ???
4. Awkwardness times for all! and profit.

Comments

[needs_answers]

That doesn't sound good.

Why?

[balancetheblood]

It isn't.




It's complicated. Just like my whole damn life. Which might be part of why I wish I were still there.

[needs_answers]

I'd be the last person ever who can give a proper pep talk in something like that, but ...

Yeah, I don't have much. How bad was it that you needed saving from it?

[balancetheblood]

It--




Basically, in order to save the lives of a bunch of kids, I willingly let myself be held captive and brainwashed by a... bastard of a guy. He wanted a queen, pretty much. And my friends had to go through so much to save me, but I--


I didn't have to care about anything. I didn't have to worry about anything, or be responsible for anything. And sometimes I miss that.

[needs_answers]

Oh.

Do you think it would have lasted, if they hadn't rescued you?

[balancetheblood]

Yeah, it--

There's a lot of things I can't really explain right now, but trust me when I say if they hadn't rescued me when they did, I... would've been there until I died. No ifs ands or buts. Regrets or no.

[needs_answers]

Oh, I don't mean that - if your folks thought you needed rescuing, it was unlikely to have been a joyride.

I was asking if the part where you didn't worry or weren't responsible for anything would have lasted.

[balancetheblood]

I don't know.

Maybe?

At least I wouldn't have been able to be responsible for bad shit happening for the people I love anymore.

[needs_answers]

... don't bet on that.

[balancetheblood]

[ shaky laugh ]

Oh, don't think I haven't thought about what it would do to them. I know what it did to them last time I disappeared, but to know where I was and not be able to help would be even worse. But sometimes...

Sometimes it's all too much responsibility and too much pain and I just want my little girl and my life back, and I can't have either, and I just--

[ okay, she's not going to cry in front of this guy she just met, she doesn't even cry in front of people she trusts if she can help it. So she's just going to stop talking. ]

[needs_answers]

Life is shit and then you die.

Except it's not just crap.

Also, I totally agree with the whole too much responsibility thing. I mean, I do what I have to, but whoever distributed the shares must have his eyes gouged out. Unless he already has them gouged out.

[balancetheblood]

I really hate my life. Often. I had a good life, and then I got turned into a fucking fish for fourteen years and my daughter didn't want anything to do with me because I couldn't explain where I'd been. So she thought I just left.

[ ...ever feel like someone's having a conversation with themselves? Yeah, that's Toby. She's... miserable at the moment. ]

[needs_answers]

Huh.