TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

[featheryasshole]

☎ comment with your character
☎ others will respond with a text from last night
☎ reply to others with a text from last night
☎ ???
☎ profit!

Comments

[articletwelve]

[fuzzyelf]

you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though

LMFAO

[articletwelve]

There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.

[fuzzyelf]

We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.

[articletwelve]

Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.

gdnhzafrn LMAO

[fuzzyelf]

Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake

what is this thread

[articletwelve]

I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.

The best thing ever!

[fuzzyelf]

I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now

[articletwelve]

Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.

[soundslikeafuckingkid]

I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero.

[articletwelve]

forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

[soundslikeafuckingkid]

I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.

[articletwelve]

I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.

[soundslikeafuckingkid]

I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.

[articletwelve]

Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?

aslkjfdf LMFAOOO

[soundslikeafuckingkid]

Nah, just masturbate louder.

[articletwelve]

A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

[ranfromnormal]

You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

[articletwelve]

i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget

[ranfromnormal]

just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.

[articletwelve]

I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.

[ranfromnormal]

I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!

[articletwelve]

i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

[ranfromnormal]

Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian

[articletwelve]

4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.